Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
Erma Bombeck
American humorist whose syndicated column At Wit's End ran from 1965 to 1996. Author of The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank (1976).
15 quotes
Insanity is hereditary: you can get it from your children.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that whatever would get you grounded then gets you cheered now.
Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he is doing nothing, the probability is he is not taking a shower.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.